I Drew This

I Drew This

Fuck you, Facebook

Hey "Internerd"

Go fuck yourself.

John Singleton directed Boyz N The Hood. He got a Best Director Oscar nomination for that piece of shit. Remember when Cuba Gooding Jr. spazzes out? Well he WON a fucking Oscar, though not for punching the air and crying histrionically while a pre-mustache wax Nia Long just stands there like a sack of potatoes.

And you know where I got this image from? I stole it from someone else's website. They probably worked real hard on it and I just fucking stole it. And what? I like that other people in this world work hard while I just walk up and steal their shit. It's like if some little kid came home with a dumb piece of shit ashtray he made out of Play Doh and he was really proud of it and I was like "Hey watch this" and I made him watch while I raped it on the living room floor. And I'd still rather watch that than sit through Boyz N The Hood again. Not Poetic Justice though. I love that ignorant shit.

I bet Janet Jackson's vagina is the kind of person that lets little kids blow out her birthday candles because it's, you know, more fun for them.

Magazine Style Retraction

Hello.

So it turns out I was wrong. I believe Dr. Hughes was in fact pointing out that it would be erroneous to label a koala as a bear--just as it would be erroneous to label a rose as a tulip. I read it too quickly, and I made a huge error that makes me look even stupider than I am. So I retract the whole thing about the bear/marsupial gaffe; it was I who in fact gaffed.

That said, I stand by my closing argument ("Fuck you, Stephen Hughes."). In fact, I drew a picture:

In this picture, a cat has climbed up a tree and is dropping shit pellets on Dr. Hughes' fat bald head. He is wearing pumps that feel like sneakers because I bet those are just catching on now in Australia. There is also a dumpster full of human body parts and dead birds; I assume that one of his forebears made a fortune in the dumpster trade, which in turn allowed his son to be such a soft, pudgy lameshit dickwad "academic". Listen, mister: you may be hot shit in Brisbane, but to the rest of the world you're that girl in the porno who gets jizz on her face and breaks out in hives and has to leave the 'biz and then gets really fat and becomes a physics teacher. 

NB: I drew that picture while taking a shit.

Dicktionary

Apparently the Oxford English Dictionary has had the wrong definition of the word "siphon" for almost 100 years. The efficacy of a siphon, according to the OED, was dependent on atmospheric pressure; in actuality, a siphon works because of gravity. Stephen Hughes, a professor somewhere, discovered the error and said this (probably anticipating that many people wouldn't give a whit about the mistake):

"We would all have an issue if the dictionary defined a koala as a species of bear, or a rose as a tulip."

This would be all well and good if a koala were actually a bear. As it stands, however, a koala bear, nomenclature be damned, is actually A FUCKING MARSUPIAL.

So congratulations, asshole--you found someone who cares about the error. Funnily enough, though, I wouldn't have cared at all if you hadn't made such a stupid mistake. I respect your efforts to rectify a long-held and widely published error, but you don't have to be such a dick about it. That's like the first thing they teach you in school--a platypus lays eggs even though it's a mammal (did you know it's venomous, too?), a female hyena has an enormous clitoris (or "mock penis"), and a koala bear is actually a marsupial.

Fuck you, Stephen Hughes.

More More More Gypsies!

I have a good feeling about this year for gypsies. It feels like they're everywhere!

Here is more of the Farruquito saga, as discussed by two of my favorite people on the planet.

On Jan 12, 2010, at 3:45 PM, rachel barker wrote:

This is so entertaining and confusing.
1. how did he have time to become famous, run someone over and get married to a gipsy woman?
2. are gipsy women mixed in with the men in Spanish prison? If not, how did the two meet?
3. They did the handkerchief test in jail?
4. Am I stupid?
I could not read the elmundo article. I think because I do not subscribe to elmundo, it was in Spanish?
do you have any pictures of the wife? I would like to see a proper gipsy lady, not just the kind that curse turistas.
thank you,
Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I hope this clarifies your questions:

1. He is heir to the "Farrucos" family knowledge and tradition. They are a renowned dynasty of Flamenco dancers. Hence his name "Farruquito" (little Farruco). Here is a video where you can see how gipsies start dancing and learning knife skills at a very young age at family parties and weddings http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3vsdm_fiesta-gitana-boda-de-farruquito-y_music

2. Men are woman are kept in separate jails. Gipsy weddings are arranged by the families and the bride and groom do not need to know each other necessarily. A picture is enough.

3. The handkerchief test was performed by Farruquito's mother in the privacy of the Farruco family house

4. No, this is very confusing if you are foreign. I am attaching a wedding picture of the bride and groom so you can have a better understanding of gipsy fashion style. The last one is Farruquito and his mother, the domineering matriarch in the ceremony. It's bousy.

Nacho

Nude It!

1. Fact: This is the #1 downloaded application on Kuwaiti iTunes.

Seriously, Kuwait? I liked you better when you were being invaded--you were more sympathetic and less lame.

2. I think this is Celia from America's Next Top Model:

I think she's just terrific.

3. The comments leave me confused--if these people are blind and retarded, why do they have iPhones?

I don't know what Georgepouts expected based on the advertisement, but he should stop being such a little bitch. (You thought I was going to say he should stop pouting, yes?)

4. The word "shet" will now be a permanent fixture in my vocabulary.

And who's the jackoff who didn't find that review helpful?

That's it for now--I have to go take a shet, and I'm not even making that up. I'm gonna do the kenken while I'm shetting.

Jury Doodie

I think it is fairly obvious that I am not an ideal candidate.

Sometimes

something perfect just drops in your lap. I received this email today. No context is necessary.

Dear Rachel,

You had some trouble telling real gipsies from fake ones when we were in Spain so I am sending a picture of a real one. This was on the news today ( http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2010/01/12/cultura/1263311606.html ). In a nutshell, the guy in the picture ran someone over and killed him three years ago while he was driving around without a license (he was 14). He drove away but someone saw what happened and the police caught him and put him in prison. Three years later he is free and his family went to jail to pick him up, you can see them in the picture. He is a very famous flamenco dancer. Also, he got married while he was serving in jail to a gipsy woman. She was subject to the white handkerchief test before the wedding, just the way a proper gipsy wedding should be. I thought you would like to know this. If you had had your waxing done in Zaragoza I believe you would have been subject to the handkerchief test too. For more information, google "Farruquito". Happy new year!

Steve, I think this is blog material

Nacho